Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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