Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize