So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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