I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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