Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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