I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
