some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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