i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
