Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need moral support for this bender
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
