i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
