drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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