i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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