Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
