If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
