so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
