Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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