i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
