my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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