It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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