Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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