Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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