I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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