life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
