I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
