Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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