How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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