it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
