I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
