youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's shark week go big or go home
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
