Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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