He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
