Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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