i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Brb crying the tears of my youth
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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