my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
