you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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