one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
