It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
