I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
