Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
