At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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