My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
