wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
