I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
