I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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