can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
