i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
