i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
