I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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