did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
