im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
