Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
