Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
