the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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