you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
