WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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