Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
