the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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