that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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