I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
