That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
