How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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