You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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