Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
