Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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