how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
