life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
