Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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