he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
