it hurts more in the daytime
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
